Truth

 

Today, I ran across Jen Lemen's brilliant post about what happens when you keep your truth hidden. Jen's words are so true. I know because I, like many of us, spent a lot of years with my truth in hiding and have experienced every one of the things on Jen's list. I've spent the last few years deliberately practicing my truth (or getting in touch with my truth) and practicing being open and being seen. I'm one of the slow learners. Things can take me a while and do and that's OK. Being seen can be incredibly terrifying. The most important thing is that we face our fears, not that we be fast at it. And if we push too hard before we are really ready, it's counterproductive. What I've discovered is this:

• Peeling back each layer of fear brings me closer to the truth of who I am and what I am really about, I start to see and see more clearly. I have started to feel a relief, an acceptance of myself as I really am. 
• Feeling all the pain that kept me hiding in the first place is scary and difficult, but as I continue to feel it, be honest about what I feel, what is important to me and what I really want for my life, it is gradually replaced by an embracing: of my truth, my story, myself. 
• I've also come to realize that we all have this experience of wanting hide our true selves and opt for a manufactured self, one that is better, more acceptable. Where I thought I was alone, I was really just like everyone else. Where I was trying to be like everyone else and blend in, I made myself feel the most alone.